I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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