yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
