I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
