that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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