Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
