You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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