She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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