there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
