winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize