He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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