dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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