Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize