Where is the hickey?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
