wat bout pragnant strippers??
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
