we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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