dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
