This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
