I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
