how can u be prego again
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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