I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He shit in the fireplace
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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