1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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