I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
