One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
