We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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