so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
