I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
