The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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