Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
