The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
