I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
