I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
high people should be assigned attendants
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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