Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
