I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
