No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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