dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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