I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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