I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
