On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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