how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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