Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
