John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
