I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
