Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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