Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
