I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
