I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
