forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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