So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
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