I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
