i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
