Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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