Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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