He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
sex in a hospital.. check
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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