Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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