kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
