my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
