So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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