Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
