It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize