I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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