talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
