I wish I could punch you in the face.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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