One girl and one boy is just not enough.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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