Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
