so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
