The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
wow bdsm is so cute
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
