Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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