It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
