babies were throwing up all over the place
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
