I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
