maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize