He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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