if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
