it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
