addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
