The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
