I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
