Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
