why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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