i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
