Your face is a jimmy john
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
