Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
