I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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