No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
