those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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